Category Archives: Messages and Musings

I may be a nudist, but do I have to see your penis?

In the course a longish and varied life, I have, not to put too fine a point on it, seen more penises than you could shake a ruler at.
Large, huge, small, tiny, black, pink and yellow, straight, bent, twisted, corkscrew shaped, hanging down, pointing up or sticking straight out, shrinking and growing, soft, hard and somewhere in between, tattooed, pierced, cut and uncut, natural and smooth, one that had been bitten by a ferret (not funny, just stupid), one that was stuck in several folds of wire mesh (funny, but don’t ask!) and a few that defy description.
I say this not to shock or brag, or because I’m a nymphomaniac or a closet urologist. I’ve seen even more lady-parts in my life, but that doesn’t make me one of the Sisters of Sappho. It’s just the way it’s been. I’m sure many ladies of a similar age and background, especially if they’ve been practising naturists since Carter was in the White House could say the same.

The point I’m trying to make—and I’m talking specifically to a minority of my male readers and followers here—is that with such a large and varied repertoire of choppers under my belt, so to speak, I’ve just about seen all there is to see. And unless your todger is solid gold and whistles “Hallelujah” it won’t impress me at all – if indeed that is what you’re trying to do.
What makes you think, then, that I so desperately want to see your pecker that the first thing you do, by way of introduction, is to post or send me a photo of it? I don’t mean to be rude, I really don’t, but what is so special about yours that it’s more important than your face?

Oh dear! I’m going off on one again. I didn’t mean to.
That’s the first of my new year’s resolutions to go up in smoke.
It’s just that I’ve grown tired of clicking on a social media profile and seeing a penis. Sometimes with the rest of the man attached, but basically just a penis, in various states of robustness.
The fact is, boys, that just because I’m a naturist it doesn’t mean that I have to, or want to, see your penis.

I am a naturist. But let’s be clear. Genuine naturism celebrates the whole of the body, not just the giggly parts.
Naturists get naked for pleasure and well-being, and if we happen to be sharing a naturist environment we will see each other naked, and that’s fine because, well – because we’re naturists, and that’s what we do. Similarly we see and share photos of happy fully naked people enjoying a nudist lifestyle and that’s fine too.
But in my opinion seeing others naked and being seen naked yourself isn’t the main point of naturism.

Naturism is much more selfish than that.

In my book I define naturism as “… the enjoyment of getting as naked as possible, wherever appropriate, alone or with others, just for its own sake.” Enjoying naturism means relishing a unique combination of recreational activity, social event, health benefits and environmental philosophy all rolled into one.
And I do it for me. No one else. It makes me feel better, healthier, more relaxed and I can do it alone or with others, as the case maybe.
In other words, my reason for being a naturist is not to show other people my bits but to make me feel better. It’s not important to me that other people see me naked: if it was I’d have become a stripper.
In just the same way I can appreciate the fact that you are a naturist without you sending me a close-up of your credentials to prove it.
If we meet in the street, and I extend my arm to shake your hand I’m sure you wouldn’t dream of plonking your tool in my palm. So why, if you’re contacting me by email or following me on social media, do you think the first thing, indeed in some cases the only thing, I must see is your John Thomas?
It’s not only bad manners, but it’s offensive and, to my mind anyway, labels you as more of an exhibitionist and a lewdist than a naturist – and yes, to my mind there is a difference.

The other thing to think about, if you are indeed a genuine nudist and not just a flasher, is the effect on non-naturists who happen to come across your profile, especially on social media. Society is becoming more puritanical and prudish by the day. Naturists are increasingly coming under the cosh from people who have a mistaken impression of what naturism is about. Many of us have been campaigning hard to overthrow this impression and show naturism as the natural, health giving theraputic activity that it is. Explicit profiles of “nudists “ just reinforce the general public’s already strongly rooted negative prejudices and make our job harder.
Even worse, by association we all get tarred with the same brush.

So, gents. Can I ask you to go easy on the genital selfies? I’m sure yours is wonderful, and I know you’re proud of it, but there must be more to you than just your tallywhacker.
And remember that displaying it immoderately might well have the very opposite effect that you intend.

If you want to say hello that’s fine.

But please, don’t be a complete dick about it.

Have a great new year!

Far East heads list of reluctant nudists

Asian nudistsMore than 80 percent of Korean tourists reported feeling uncomfortable at nude beaches when travelling overseas.

Expedia, an online travel agency, conducted a survey on 11,155 tourists from 24 countries to arrive at the conclusion.

When asked for opinions regarding nude beaches, 81 percent of Korean tourists answered, ‘uncomfortable’, followed by Japan (75%) and Hong Kong (73%).
Conversely, European countries such as Austria (24%) and Germany (28%) were more comfortable with nude beaches and toplessness in general.

For those of us who have discovered the benefits and joys of naturism it seems a shame that such a large part of the world should be so reluctant to embrace social nudity, but I guess that cultural influences are not easily overcome. Maybe one day. . . Until then let’s just be happy that there’s more room on the beach for the rest of us!

Christmas thoughts and wishes

I’m sure you’ve noticed that Christmas is nearly upon us. High Streets are lit with Santa’s and stars, giant Christmas trees sprout at road junctions, shops turn into glittering wonderlands and the festive ads on TV are already five weeks old.

Now you can call me an old traditionalist if you want, but I’d prefer that Yuletide start just a little later in the year. About mid-December would be nice.

The trouble is that the commercial interests who are doing their best to destroy the real meaning of Christmas for the sake of a quick buck are now trying to pull another fast one. By using the term “Seasonal”, instead of the more traditional “Christmas”, or “Yuletide”, they are able to expand a very holy and well-defined Christian festival into an infinitely extendable shopping opportunity.

We shouldn’t fall for it. We shouldn’t let them get away with it. We should fight against it.

So. What has this got to do with naturism?

Well, nothing, actually. I just wanted to get it off my chest.

But since this is supposed to be a naturist article, and because even I’m at the Christmas gift planning stage, I thought this might be a good opportunity to look at some gifts we might buy for our nudist loved ones and friends. Here then, is my brief Guide to Nudist Christmas Shopping.

FOR HIM:
Why not let him while away the long winter evenings with a great book exploring the quirky history of the nudist cinema?

Cinema Au Naturel: A History of Nudist Film brings to life many long-forgotten films such as Elysia: Valley of the Nude, The Monster at Camp Sunshine, and Take Off Your Clothes and Live. This is the first book devoted to these tantalizing films, and author Mark Storey shows them worthy of both light-hearted and serious consideration.

No? Something a little more risque perhaps?

How about The Naked Truth about Hedonism II: A Totally Unauthorized, Naughty But Nice Guide to Jamaica’s Very Adult Resort, 2nd Edition 

Everyone returns from Hedonism II, an adult resort in Jamaica, with at least one good story. This book is a collection of those  cheeky stories and also a bawdy travel guide for making the most of a trip to this resort. Sporting forty three colour photos and eighteen black-and-white ones, the book is sure to make him laugh at the antics of the guests who keep coming back for more naked silliness.

FOR HER:
What’s simple and comfortable yet stylish and graceful, looks as good in the bedroom as it does on the beach, and is the ideal “throw on” for the nudist lady in your life? I’m talking about a Kimono, that functional but elegant garment which has graced Japanese ladies for centuries.

Forget struggling into shorts or donning unflattering jogging bottoms – she can slip into a Kimono as if it were a housecoat, and she’ll still look a million dollars! Traditional silk may be out of the range of all but the very rich, but you can find a superb range of stunning designs in cotton at
http://www.thekimonocompany.co.uk/

We all know what the excesses of Christmas can do to our figures, and there’s nothing like going nude on a beach or a club to highlight the results of our over-indulgence. But fear not. If your lady is already worrying about the excess pounds she’ll really appreciate the aptly named How To Look Good Naked DVD.

Reviewer Diana Quacinella says” This is quite possibly the best set of workout tapes I’ve tried. In weeks I saw a difference in my abs, butt and thighs. My tummy is now toned and my thighs have great shape. I’ve tried pilates, yoga and nothing has worked as great as this set!”

FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY:
If you really want to splash out (and you’ve got the means to do so!) how about your own private nudist paradise island?

The 26 acre (10 hectare) Little Eden Cay coral island is located close to the Caribbean Coast of Nicaragua and has been transformed into the ultimate getaway, featuring a most luxurious and beautifully detailed home away from home. A full time manager lives on the Cay and attends to the maintenance and housekeeping of the main house, supervision of the other island staff, and acts as butler to any guests in residence. Other staff include a gardener, a caretaker and a housekeeper.

The price? A snip atjust under 4 million US Dollars. If you’re really interested go to http://www.privateislandsonline.com/littleeden.htm

Better still, if you’ve got that kind of money contact me first. I’ve got this great business idea that can’t fail…!

Seriously though, I guess that’s just about it for another year. I’m off to Florida for Christmas, so I won’t be writing again until the New Year. I’d just like to thank you all for all your support, interest and your kind comments in 2009, and wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy, Peaceful and Prosperous New Year.

See you in January.

God bless.

A lesson about stereotyping

I thought it would never happen to me, so I didn’t take proper precautions.Then one day recently whilst  doing a little surfing, flashing alarms suddenly infested my screen, and urgent messages blinked at me telling me that my folders contained about a million viruses which could only be cured if I pressed this download button now. I’d heard of other people being tricked into downloading something which eventually destroyed their system, so, not knowing what else to do and not having a know-all teenager handy, I switched off and unplugged.

I felt pretty smug. I had avoided the trap. I had refused to panic and download something nasty. I had outwitted the geeky virus writers, the  sneeky hackers and the shabby spammers.
I had a celebratory cup of tea whilst I waited for the dust to settle a bit, and then with a triumphant flourish I switched my machine back on.
Except that I couldn’t. Or rather, I could power it up, but nothing significant happened. All I got after a few seconds of whirring was a blue screen and a message about something being corrupted  in my Fat sector, which I didn’t understand but which wasn’t, I thought, a very nice thing to say to a girl.
Rebooting didn’t help, neither did swearing nor threatening it with the first floor drop.
A friend of mine suggested using the back-up disc so thoughtfully provided by Evesham Computers when I purchased it some years ago, but it refused to load ( naturally!) and the option of phoning the helpline had disappeared some months before when Evesham went out of business.
Now I began to panic.
It wasn’t the computer itself that I was worried about. It was over 6 years old and had become unreliable and due for replacement. Anyway, I could carry on working and accessing the internet etc on my laptop.
What really spooked me was the potential data loss. Although most of my writings are backed up to CD’s and DVD’s, I had hundred of digital photos and over 1000 of my favourite songs stored on my desktop computer, as well as personal documents of one sort or another. All of them, particularly the photographs, were irreplaceable. None were backed up. I felt sick, and not a little foolish.
I phoned around Yellow Pages for some professional help and nearly had the conniptions at the average rate being quoted of £50 an hour with a minimum fee of £200. Yikes! For that sort of money I could buy a posh cocktail dress AND have enough left over for some stockings.
As a last resort, I decided to pop into my local Maplins ( an chain of UK electronics stores), to see if they had any suggestions.
 The assistant was small, spotty. bespectacled and geeky and so fitted my stereotype of the the sort of little snirp who wrote the virus that caused my problem in the first place that I almost biffed him one on sight.
And how wrong I would have been. After patiently listening to my problem, and politely answering my entirely stupid, computer illiterate questions, he came up with a solution which entailed removing my hard drive ( scary but not difficult) and plugging it in via a special contraption to my lap top.
Result, thanks to a geeky kidI can now access all the data I thought I’d lost, at a cost of less than £16.
Which just goes to show how important it is to back your data up. And how foolish we are to  judge people according to sterotypes.
Including geeks. And especially naturists.

World’s best nude events and beaches revealed

Trip Advisor, the travel website  has announced the winners of top 5 nude events and top 5 nude beaches. Quite what criteria they used, and who carried out the judging is unknown, but here are the results according to Trip Advisor.

The top five naked events :

1. World Naked Bike Ride
Held annually since 2004, bike riders from all around the world celebrate cycling in the nude.

2. World Record Skinny Dip
More than 12,000 people stripped off and gathered in pools across the US to form the “largest number of people skinny dipping at once,” now a category in the Guinness Book of World Records.

3. Nude Beach Olympics
The Nude Olympics take place on Australia’s sunny Maslin Beach.

4. Running of the Nudes
Held in Pamplona just after the annual “Running of the Bulls”, this is an event organised by PETA to protest against the cruelty of bullfighting.An alternative to the running of the

5. Burning Man Festival
An annual event held in the Black Rock Desert, Nevada, which usually includes large amounts of human nudity.

Top five nudist beaches

1. Haulover Beach Park Florida

2. Wreck Beach Canada

3. Paradise Beach, Mykonos

4. Orient Beach, St.Maarten, Caribbean.

5. Black’s Beach, California.

I don’t disagree too much with Trip Advisor  on the events, except that I ‘m surprised that The Burning Man Festival was chosen over seriously  nude events like  the World Body Painting Festival in Austria or De Blote Billen Loop (Zandvoort, Netherlands –people have to run or walk 5 km in the nude, on a nude beach)  or even  the Valentine’s Day Nude Bungee Jump in Nanaimo, British Columbia, Canada.

With regard to the beaches, well, I guess it’s entirely subjective, so who am I to argue, except to say that Paradise Beach was overtaken years ago by Panormos beach on the north of Mykonos and neither of those two would get into my top five! In fact my list would include only two of the Trip Advisor selection.

Still, it all depends on what makes a beach the best for you, and until you’ve visited them all how can you judge which is the best in the world?

Guess I’d better get packing. So much to see, so little time…

[polldaddy rating=”152045″]

[polldaddy poll=”1821032″]

Flesh Dance? No Thanks!

Flesh Dance.

Starkers NightclubI’ve just turned down an invitation to this Friday’s naked party at Starkers nightclub.

I’ll say that again. I can’t believe it either.

I, a confirmed nudist who will normally lose my clothes quicker than a stripper on speed, have just turned down a night out at London’s only nude disco. My hosts were paying for everything too, dammit.

Am I getting that old?

Actually I don’t think it’s to do with age.

For me it’s about ambience.

Dancing in the buff on a warm summers’ evening on an exotic beach is just perfect. Having a Big Night Out in a city centre disco where everyone else is naked doesn’t hold the same attraction.

It’s true that that my disco-dancing nights are long gone now, but I don’t think the idea would have appealed to me even back when I was a 18 year old disco diva.

I suppose it would have stopped my mum complaining-as she always did, bless her-that my skirt was WAY too short

But wherever would I have kept my lipstick and make-up?